I didn’t do it alone though. Amy and Helen were my rocks and without them, I might have ran out the door on day one. I thought about it after every lap during WARM UP. The closer to the door I got I thought, RUN DENISE RUN! I wouldn’t have been able to run, I was panting and felt like dropping to the floor, but I would have found some way to escape. I’m glad I didn’t though.

This may sound cheesy, but I felt a sense of empowerment. I got out of bed at 8:30 and worked my ass off. I met new people who were supportive and even though I felt I was being watched and ridiculed I wasn’t. I’m sure they were as scared and nervous as I was.

Gyms are not for me. Diets are not for me (I’m a cheater and I don’t know the meaning of the word discipline) A personal trainer is way out of my price range. This boot camp was a perfect fit. It wasn’t just about exercise. It was also learning about nutrition, team work, and self-esteem. Cindy is my hero. She is the most amazing women!

End Stats:

Weight  261.2

Body Fat %  46.1%

Left Upper Arm  14

Right Upper Arm  15

Shoulders  50.75

Chest  49.5

Abs  46.75

Waist  51

Hips  56.75

Left Thigh  24.5

Right Thigh  2.5

I had heard about this  program before through the Missoula Businesswomen’s Network. At one of the monthly meetings I met the owner, Cindy Hart. My friend Stacy suggested we try it out. I said sure, but hoped that she’d forget.  About 6 months later a co-worker brought it up. I made up excuses, but she wasn’t hearing it. That’s what I get for whining to someone about my weight.

My first thought was how the heck am I going to pull this off? It cost $150 for 3 times a week.  It’s at 9am. I am not a morning person. (My boyfriend swears I’m a vampire because I don’t sleep at night.) I don’t exercise AT ALL. I’m 5′1 and 267 Lbs. I’m considered morbidly obese. One of my last doctor visits I found out that I’m heading towards type II diabetes.  I really had no choice then did I?  Having a friend to go with me helped.  She’ll drag me out of bed if need be. I also talked another friend Amy, into joining Helen and me. I needed two people to drag me to the gym and pick me up when I collapse.

I filled out the online application on April 10th 2008. (Thank you tax refund.) Inside I was scared to death.  I just knew I’d be the fattest person there, huffing and puffing while everyone passed me up.  On the outside I was gung ho about it and blabbed to everyone I knew. I thought, well if everyone knows I’m doing this, I have to see it through or they’ll think poorly of me.  To try to get excited, I went shopping. Shopping is like food for me. It fixes everything temporarily.  I got a sports bra, a few HUGE t-shirts, some stretchy loose pants, 5lb dumb bells, an exercise mat and lots of other things that had nothing to do with boot camp.

In the mean time another co-worker gave me advice. Get off my bum and start walking NOW NOW NOW. He suggested that I go for a walk around the hospital on my breaks. Up my water intake and start heating healthy. I can’t actually give him all the credit. My doctor had been lecturing me to do this for over a year. (I didn’t walk, but I joined a gym, but I only went once and that was for the initial evaluation with a fitness instructor. 6 months of membership fees down the drain.)

So in my preparation for boot camp,  I upped my water and added sugar free juices.  I  had cut down on soda having a total of 3 20oz diet cokes in that 3 weeks. I had lost 3 pounds by just doing that. I’m a fruit and veggie junkie so I hadno problems in that area. Sweets were still a struggle.

Beginning Stats:

Weight  264.6

Body Fat %  46.4%

Left Upper Arm  14.5

Right Upper Arm  15.5

Shoulders  52

Chest  51.5

Abs  47.75

Waist  52.75

Hips  58.5

Left Thigh  24.75

Right Thigh  26

to be continued..

Summer of 2007 I was at the doctor again whining about my weight.  She wouldn’t give me more Phentermine saying that I was on it long enough to be a “lawsuit waiting to happen”.  I whined that I didn’t take it consistently over the few months it was prescribed, but she wouldn’t budge.  I had my gallbladder removed the previous winter and that interrupted my Phen use. While I was going on and on, she was looking through my records and noticed that I had recently had lab work due to another issue. (I’m not a hypochondriac I swear!) She freaked me out because my blood sugar was high and should have caused red flags.  The other office neglected to tell me I was on the fast road to becoming a diabetic. Having a family history of diabetes increased my chances.

I was introduced  to Byetta.  It’s for people with Type II Diabetes, but it’s one of those medications that is multipurpose.  (I will never understand that.)  The manufacturer did a 6 month study that showed people who used it lost weight along with controlling their blood sugar.  She gave me my first month via a sample (5mg) kit and told me to come back in a month.  Notice I said kit. This time it wasn’t a pill. I had to give myself injections! The nurse showed me how to do it, gave me a prescription for needles and sent me on my way assuring me everything would be fine.

Later when I went to do it myself I got nervous. After the first time I got over it.  It was in pen form and the needle was super tiny.  My sample starter kit had a little postcard to send to the manufacturer. It was a free offer  for this nifty little black carry case. I was all set!

That afternoon I had to work.  I snuck online to see if there were blogs and forums  of peeps taking Byetta for weight loss. I wanted to know what I was in for along with poking myself twice a day.  My co-worker was Googling with me and came across a forum that referred to it as “Lizard Spit”.  W-T-F? I made her read it to me as I gagged.  All I could think of was EWWW EWWWW EWWW. Who the hell comes up with this shit? Oh, Let’s take poisonous lizard spit and see what it can do?

Exenatide (also Exendin-4, marketed as Byetta) is the first of a new class of medications approved for the treatment of type 2 diabetes. It is manufactured and marketed by Amylin Pharmaceuticals and Eli Lilly and Company.

Derived from the saliva of the gila monster, Exenatide a 39 amino acid peptide that mimics the GLP-1 incretin, an insulin secretagogue with glucoregulatory effects. While it may lower blood glucose levels on its own, it can also be combined with other medications such as pioglitazone, metformin, sulfonylureas, and/or insulin to improve glucose control. The approved use of exenatide is with either sulfonylureas, metformin and thiazolinediones. The medication is injected twice per day using a pre-filled pen device. Typical human responses to exenatide include improvements in the initial rapid release of endogenous insulin, suppression of glucagon release by the pancreas, regulation of gastric empyting, and reduced appetite – all of which function to lower blood glucose. Exenatide is self-regulating in that it lowers blood sugar when levels are elevated but does not continue to lower blood sugar when levels return to normal, unlike with sulfonylureas or insulins.

After my first month I went back to see the doctor. I was tolerating the Byetta and lost a few pounds. She gave me my prescription for the next 5 months. 10mg twice a day.  Aside from vomiting unless I took nausea meds, that make me sleepy, it went OK.  I only stayed on it 5 of the 6 recommended months.  I lost my appetite at first as expected, but it came back after 2 months. I lost maybe 15 pounds total. WOOO HOOO! Luckily the needle didn’t leave scars on my belly.

That would be saved for my surgery.

I don’t want to start from the beginning. I’d be here for days droning on and on about my childhood and always being chubby. I don’t want to relive all the years of gaining and losing weight. I’m just going to start when my 2rd life began, moving to Montana. Fall of 1997: 22 years old, 5′1 180lbs

Over the next few years I’d gain more weight, but not really try to lose. It was always at the back of my mind, but I had so many other issues I was dealing with, I was on the verge of having a nervous break down. I finally realized I needed help and started seeing a counselor and taking anti-depressants. I want to add that I can be a drama queen sometimes and even though I may mention that “I wanted to die” I never really meant it. Even at my lowest, I never wanted to die. Sleep maybe, until things magically got better, but NEVER die.

I was finally starting to get my ducks in a row and aside from my weight, the rest of my life was pretty good. Of course something had to give, because a drama queen can’t always rule in a perfect world.

Spring 2001 226lbs. I cringe now because I thought I was the fattest ever and wanted to die. My then roommate talked me into doing Weight Watchers with her.  I was nervous, because it meant discipline and no cookies. It also meant weekly meetings with weigh-ins. My first week I lost three pounds and I thought it was the start of a whole new me. If I missed a meeting, my week was harder, but I charged on. Soon I couldn’t afford them anymore, but I was down to 209lbs and felt confident that I could keep going without the meetings. Then my roommate went on vacation.  She came home and admitted she basically stopped the program. Within two months I fell off the wagon too. What was even worse, we kept walking and going to the gym, but I still gained some of the weight back.

What the hell is wrong with me goes through my mind day and night. Why can’t I just get off my fat ass and exercise? Why can’t I keep up with a food journal? I’ve even tried online versions. (I thought it would be a cinch being that I spent half my waking hours in front of a computer either at work or at home.) Why can’t I continue to eat better after I’ve started? How hard can it be? Even though I tortured myself, nagged myself, beat myself, nothing changes.

I don’t have a HUGE appetite, but my weaknesses are cookies, cake, muffins, CARBS. UGH I also love love love diet coke, and latte’s. Give me a double shot with white chocolate and vanilla please!