I had Gastric Bypass Surgery January 13, 2009. I fully intended on blogging about it, mainly for moral support. Each month that went by, and they flew, I kept saying, “I need to get some posts done”. Another month would pass.
It’s been 2 1/2 years. I wish I could tell you life is perfect. Mine isn’t and never will be. My head is full of would have, could have, should have & why didn’t I? Those voices will never quiet down. In short, I’ve failed myself. I lost close to 100lbs, YAY ME. I’ve regained over 40. BOOOO HISSSSS! I don’t know the exact amount. I haven’t weighed myself in over a month. I’m terrified to.
If I would have kept my FAT mouth shut I probably wouldn’t be in this state. I kept spouting off to everyone how I wasn’t going to EVER gain the weight back, that I’d rather be dead. With each pound that fell off I grew smug and felt like I was better than everyone else. Oddly enough, for always being “heavy” part of me has always been vain. How weird is that? How can you be obese, hate yourself, yet vain? Leave it to me!
I’m not sharing this for sympathy. I’m sharing it to get kicks in the ass. I need accountability. I need someone to hold my hand and make me do things. I need someone to tell me NO and STOP THAT! I need something. Therapy maybe? LOL
In the next few weeks I’m going to TRY to remember my surgery ordeal and the stuff after. If anything, for me. I know I started this blog to help others. I think I need to help myself first. Right? Maybe I can see where I screwed up.
~D
May 22nd, 2011 at 7:25 pm
Hi there, I just came across your page, and want to say WTG because you have come a long way! I am looking into RNY GB myself, and would like to read more about your journey, and why you think you faltered. I really don’t think you should kick yourself for the weight gain… you’ve taken the first step in acknowledging it, so now you have to get back on track.
I am going to keep following you, cause you are an inspiration for me my dear!!!
Keep your head up and hope to read you again soon.
Cheers
Nancy