Journey to Gastric Bypass Surgery Part 1: Weight Watchers
In 12 days I go into the hospital to have Gastric Bypass Surgery. I am not scared, nor do I have any doubts that it is the right thing to do. To help reassure myself though, I’m going to reflect on my past attempts and failures at weight loss.
I don’t want to start from the beginning. I’d be here for days droning on and on about my childhood and always being chubby. I don’t want to relive all the years of gaining and losing weight. I’m just going to start when my 2rd life began, moving to Montana. Fall of 1997: 22 years old, 5′1 180lbs
Over the next few years I’d gain more weight, but not really try to lose. It was always at the back of my mind, but I had so many other issues I was dealing with, I was on the verge of having a nervous break down. I finally realized I needed help and started seeing a counselor and taking anti-depressants. I want to add that I can be a drama queen sometimes and even though I may mention that “I wanted to die” I never really meant it. Even at my lowest, I never wanted to die. Sleep maybe, until things magically got better, but NEVER die.
I was finally starting to get my ducks in a row and aside from my weight, the rest of my life was pretty good. Of course something had to give, because a drama queen can’t always rule in a perfect world.
Spring 2001 226lbs. I cringe now because I thought I was the fattest ever and wanted to die. My then roommate talked me into doing Weight Watchers with her. I was nervous, because it meant discipline and no cookies. It also meant weekly meetings with weigh-ins. My first week I lost three pounds and I thought it was the start of a whole new me. If I missed a meeting, my week was harder, but I charged on. Soon I couldn’t afford them anymore, but I was down to 209lbs and felt confident that I could keep going without the meetings. Then my roommate went on vacation. She came home and admitted she basically stopped the program. Within two months I fell off the wagon too. What was even worse, we kept walking and going to the gym, but I still gained some of the weight back.
What the hell is wrong with me goes through my mind day and night. Why can’t I just get off my fat ass and exercise? Why can’t I keep up with a food journal? I’ve even tried online versions. (I thought it would be a cinch being that I spent half my waking hours in front of a computer either at work or at home.) Why can’t I continue to eat better after I’ve started? How hard can it be? Even though I tortured myself, nagged myself, beat myself, nothing changes.
I don’t have a HUGE appetite, but my weaknesses are cookies, cake, muffins, CARBS. UGH I also love love love diet coke, and latte’s. Give me a double shot with white chocolate and vanilla please! 